More on feelings...
This time about breakups...
If there comes a moment in a relationship when one of the partners feels used for a
long time and has the impression that he gives more love than he receives, then
parting is only a matter of time. This is how the principle of reciprocity works.
Every human being strives for balance and sooner or later will decide to end such a
relationship. And then what? After the end of any relationship, regardless of whether
the breakup was on your initiative, time is needed to relieve this emotional situation.
Just like the period of mourning after the loss of a loved one. This is the time for you.
Then you must not force yourself to look for another relationship. It doesn't make
sense because you're still emotionally stuck in the previous one. Even though you
may not be in contact with your ex-partner, you don't spend as much time with them
as you used to. We feel empty after each loss of a loved one. If we want to force it
to fill it with someone else, we will hurt not only ourselves but also the other person.
This emptiness can only be filled by understanding the current situation and
our feelings.
Only when we become aware of what we feel can we deal with these feelings.
And it is necessary. If we have a grudge against an ex-partner, only when we
manage to fully forgive him are we ready for another relationship. Because only
then can we be sure that we are not transferring experiences and feelings from the
previous one onto him. The most common reaction of a person after the end of a
failed relationship is to enter another one and choose the opposite role for himself.
If the partner was possessive and dominant, we look for submissiveness in the next
one, in order to play the role of the "tormentor" ourselves. It sounds drastic, but
that's what happens most of the time. The situation is different for people with a
coded type of behavior. In psychology, this is called the syndrome of "victim" and
"perpetrator", but such people cannot overcome these patterns on their own. In such
cases, specialist help is necessary. If you no longer feel resentment towards your
former partner, only then can you enter into a new relationship that will be
successful. Otherwise, you will constantly feel restless and lacking. You can
compare your current partner to your previous partner, which is always unfair to
both parties. You will find the same faults that he may not have, and he will feel the
presence of this ex in your life all the time. But how do you reach a state of
acceptance of a previous failed relationship? You need to understand your and your
ex-partner's feelings. Very rarely is the fault solely on one side. If you manage to
understand why it didn't work out and why you broke up, you will be free. You will
drop a huge burden. And only then will you be able to enter into a new relationship
that will be successful. With baggage of experience but without mental burdens.
